A Frustrating Day

This might be my first offical vent, and it has to do with showing and my coach. The dynamics of our relationship is different because she's not only my coach, but also my employer. This can lead to some problems, mostly because there are not enough employees at the barn (just coach, her husband, and me) so it makes it very difficult to work out traveling, showing, and doing chores at home. My coach also tends to have a more abrasive personality.

I made it very clear this early spring that I intended to show alot this summer. I knew that my coach would not be able to come to many of the shows because of her judging schedule, but that doesn't bother me so much. I like her along when it works out, but I'm not going to not show because she isn't with. Anyways, I explained that I would be showing alot this year because I have a quality horse that is worth investing in. The reality is that the only reason I even own Grady is because I bought him with the intention of showing him. Grady isn't a fun enough ride just to own "for the fun of it", and I can't afford to pay his bills if I'm not doing what we're supposed to be doing: showing!

I've told my coach all of this. I thought it was pretty clear. I said "I will be showing alot this summer."

The dynamic of being an employee makes things interesting though. They want me to work on weekends. I understand this, but I also made it clear that I was going to be showing alot. The situation HAS changed this year. I want to take every opportunity I can to show. I'm not going to be around as much. I thought I made this clear, but when I talk about going to a show the response I get back is, "oh, so that's ANOTHER weekend you wont be here." Yes it is another weekend I wont be here, but I warned them with plenty of time. The situation has changed. I have encouraged them to try and find someone else who can also help out at the barn. When I am at the barn I work my hardest. It's frustrating because I was hoping that since my coach played a big hand in my aquirement of Grady that she would understand the necessity of showing. THERE IS NO POINT IN ME OWNING OR RIDING THIS HORSE IF I CAN'T SHOW HIM!!!!

What makes me sad is how she reacts in such a discouraging way. As a coach I would think she'd WANT her students to show. I would think she'd be excited that we are getting out there. It seems like that's the way most trainers are. I see trainers at shows that have 8 kids with them, all competing. That would be nice, but I understand that my coach has other things going on too. It would be so nice to just hear some encouragment from her. Some recognition of my attempts at success. I feel really sad and discouraged about this. Why is she teaching me how to ride, why do I own Grady, what is the POINT of everything she has helped me learn if I do not go and show??

And like I said before, being an employee does change the dynamics a bit. But I gave fair warning, I said that I would be showing alot. Since they are aware of that they should either get over it and encourage me to reach my goals, and/or find someone else to help out on the weekends I'm not there.

I would love to tell her how I feel about this. I would love her to know how burdened I feel over it. I don't know what she would say if I try though. She really doesn't do well with "heart to hearts", she tends to get defensive.

Saying this to the public takes some guts on my part. But it is my goal to be open and honest about my situation. I refuse to make things look like they're going well if they're not. This is my situation, I am struggling with it. I just want a coach that acts like a coach, not someone who makes discouraging comments when I talk about going to shows, not a coach that harps on my not being there on weekends.

Mark my words, if and when I'm a coach I will encourage my students to show. I want them to show. Showing will be my top priority. I don't care if they will be working for me or not, I will be excited and happy that my students are going to shows.